Write Yourself a Financial Love Letter

Ok folks, I know that it’s Valentine’s Day. Which can occasionally be a bummer for us Singletons. But single or paired, it’s always a good day to practice some financial self-love. This is probably especially true for women, who have not historically been part of financial conversations. I think some of that is changing, but there’s plenty of work to do still. So we’re going to write ourselves love letters.

First, the Bad News

• 99% of domestic violence situations include financial abuse. But having a job and financial security can help in cases of domestic abuse by empowering the victim.
• Fewer women than men have emergency funds, but they’re more likely to be the ones caring for children and for aging parents.
• Only 1/4 of women said they were on track for retirement saving in 2017.
• Women hold 65% of all student debt.
• Have you heard of the gender pay gap? Yeah, it’s a thing. And you should be angry about it. It’s bad for all women, but it’s even worse for women of color.

What’s Your Love Letter Say?

Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m a strong, independent woman;
Pay me what I’m worth.

Ok, I’m not actually going to make you write a letter or a poem (though if you choose that route, it doesn’t have to rhyme!). And I’m not going to write one myself because I was never very good at the whole “dear diary” thing. But the general sentiment is important, so let’s make a list instead. A list to remind us that we’re awesome and we deserve awesome things.

Think about what’s important to you–for you now, but also for your future. What needs to happen financially to get there? Because the best way of showing yourself that you love you? Taking action now. Not tomorrow, not next paycheck or next month or next year. You are badass and strong and so deserving, so make sure you’re treating yourself like it.

Some Ideas…

Are you saving enough for retirement? What’s that emergency fund look like? Are you stuck in a studio apartment when you want to own a cute house with a backyard? Do something about it!

And, for those of you who aren’t single, do you have control of your own money? Do you know what’s going on with your investments, or are you fully hands-off? Make sure you’re particiapting in those conversations and decisions. I also think it’s always a good idea to have your own emergency fund. You should never relinquish all control of your money to someone else.

Can you pull $20 out of every paycheck and put it in a high-yield savings account? Can you pay a little extra off of your credit card debt or student loans? Those are all actions that embody #treatyoself more than some of the superficial social media-worthy examples of self-care.

What about work? Are you being paid what you’re worth? When’s the last time you asked for a raise or negotiated a job offer? Are you stagnating in your current role or on the wrong path vis-a-vis job satisfaction? Those are also things that should go on your “love letter list.”

And if you’re having trouble with your list, feel free to blast your favorite “confident” song. You know what I’m talking about…

It’s Not That Simple…

Look, I’m not suggesting that any of these things are easy. Or even immediately achievable. But it’s always a good idea to have a vision of what you want and how you might get it. There are real systemic problems with sexism and gender imbalances in the US and worldwide, and small steps won’t fix all of that, but they definitely don’t hurt.

My Love Letter

Dear Diary,…jk, I told y’all this would be in a list.

• You’re fucking awesome. Don’t doubt that, and don’t listen to the haters. Channel 4-year old absurdly confident Elizabeth, not 6th-grade beginning-of-puberty Elizabeth…she should probably forever remain a distant memory (at the very least, those Western-themed cat shirts need to die a horrible death).
• You know what you want. You’re terrified of how it upends your cookie cutter life path, but you know what you want. Embrace change and new things, and embrace that uncomfortable combination of scary and exhilarating.
• Not all of your goals are financial in nature. Don’t worry about turning away from the “successful” path, but make sure you have the financial safety net you need to stay calm and collected during those moments of change.
• Save enough money for the things that matter! For traveling with loved ones, for buying a house (hopefully soon), and for paying for those inevitable vet bills.
• Another thing to save money for? All of the learning and growing you want to do. Saving for the future matters, but spending for the future matters, too.
• You don’t need someone to succeed financially. Make sure you’re solid on your own, then an awesome partner is just icing on the cake. If you aren’t happy alone, someone else isn’t going to fix that.
• Check in with your mental health. Make your inner perfectionist shut up and take a break every once and awhile. You know what you need in terms of rest, and sunlight, and flexibility when pursuing all of your awesome goals.

These are all things that I need to remind myself of every once and awhile. They aren’t all directly related to finances, but that’s definitely an influence throughout. Which makes sense; money shouldn’t always be the main focus, but you need to make sure you’re keeping it in mind.

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I hope this helps. And I hope you write out your own love letter. But more than that, I hope you take action and follow through on that love.