In every high school movie, there are the stereotypes. The jocks, the nerds, the music kids, etc. Take a minute—think of the stereotypes in your school. Which one were you? I’m assuming that some sort of answer, even if it isn’t a perfect fit, popped into your head. Or, at the very least, a hybrid of a couple archetypes. Having assigned identities provides security—a platform to define yourself upon and to explore from. But it also limits you. To reference a teen movie masterpiece, Zac Efron’s character in High School Musical (Troy) struggled because his identity was “jock,” but he wanted to perform in the school musical.
Those limits, the constraints of the identity that you either chose for yourself or that someone else assigned, can be stifling. And how do you break away from them, especially when the identity overall seems like a good fit or a natural choice? What opportunities are you missing because you have on blinders that only let you see a straight path forward?
The Stability of Expectation
Growing up, I was the overachiever. The straight A student who was going to go to an elite university and doing something wildly successful with her life. My fourth-grade teacher told a colleague that I’d be the “first female president” one day. No pressure, right? I was great at math, and debate, and problem-solving. And while these were all topics that were genuine skills and things I enjoyed, they also ended up pigeon-holing me.
As “the successful one,” I was taught to scoff at creative pursuits. Art was never a strong point for me, and if I wasn’t good at something, it seemed natural that I shouldn’t focus there. I also picked up the widespread stereotype of the “starving artist” and English as a useless college major. The rub is that writing was always something I really enjoyed, specifically writing poetry. I won several poetry competitions in school, but more than that, I enjoyed writing it for myself. It was a freeform way of expression in a world that had way too much structure.
Cognitive Dissonance and Pursuing Passions
So why, for years, did I stop writing? I think that when we are assigned labels by others, it is far too easy to internalize them. Writing didn’t seem like a path forward because I knew I was supposed to get a stable job and move up a career ladder. And I still want that to some extent, just not in its traditional form. I gave up writing for fun. Because I loved it. And I think the cognitive dissonance of knowing that it didn’t fit into my curated self-image was too much for me.
When I started this blog, it was harder than I thought, especially for someone who is used to just being good at things. But that’s a lie, isn’t it? I’m not good at everything, I just play to my strengths and avoid the things I don’t excel at. Which is sad because if you’re good at everything you do, that just means you aren’t pushing yourself enough. For all I know, I could have been a great artist, but that wasn’t the easy path for me, and I was conditioned to think that it wasn’t a smart path to bet my chips on. Now, I’m finding that I want to start pushing myself again. The easy stable path is also (shocker) pretty boring, and I crave a challenge.
Assigned Identities in a Career Path
Starting this blog was the first step to pushing myself. Attempting a career pivot is the second, and much bigger and scarier, step. But it also feels exhilarating. I recently read Jenny Blake’s book Pivot after coming across her podcast (both are awesome). She talks about the need to see change as an opportunity rather than something to fear. She also writes about cultivating a “growth mindset.”
“With a growth mindset, you will be open to new ideas, observant in your experimentation, deliberate in your implementation, and flexible in the face of change.” – Jenny Blake
She makes the excellent point that your value and true goals may not be what you’ve been taught that you should do by family and societal obligations or expectations. But that isn’t a reason to not pursue them; it’s your life. You’re the one who has to live it and be happy in it.
Seeking Growth
I’ve tried writing poetry again, and to my frustration, it was much more of a struggle than I expected. I can’t make the words flow like they used to, mainly because I have this aversion to writing down anything that isn’t immediately good (which is silly).
So now, I’m trying to train myself to think poetically again. I’ve started reading more poetry in the hopes that that will help, and I need to just start writing, no matter the quality. So I have a favor to ask—is there any poetry that makes your heart soar? Any poet who captures the essence of your soul in words? Please share their names with me—I’d love to meet them.
Thanks to the wonderful recommendation of Erin from Reaching for FI, I’ve discovered Mary Oliver’s work. Here is one of her poems that has really resonated:
Song of the Builders
On a summer morning
I sat down
on a hillside
to think about God –
a worthy pastime.
Near me, I saw
a single cricket;
it was moving the grains of the hillside
this way and that way.
How great was its energy,
how humble its effort.
Let us hope
it will always be like this,
each of us going on
in our inexplicable ways
building the universe.