Well, hi there. My name is Elizabeth. Just thought I would remind you since I’ve been AWOL for MONTHS.
On Friday, my roomie Lyra and I watched the Hamilton filming on Disney+ (which I use my sister’s log-in for because I’m a cheapskate). It was MAGICAL. And I told Lyra that after watching the musical, which I had never seen, Jefferson’s song, “What Did I Miss?” had become one of my favorites. Don’t get me wrong, the song was always great. But the VISUAL elements really made it. Hence, this post title.
But Actually…
It’s been a pretty shitty few months. The world has changed drastically since I last wrote. Society seems to be dividing even more than it already has, and long-existing issues are bubbling to the surface. And I haven’t really known what to say here. But I miss writing on the blog, so I figure it’s time to make an attempt to get my thoughts down in writing.
Race Relations in Our Country
Wow. Watching the past few months, as people protest and resist police brutality. As a huge swath of the country INSISTS on pretending that systemic racism doesn’t exist or isn’t a problem. It’s exhausting. But also inspiring, as we all dare to hope that MAYBE we’ll see some ACTUAL CHANGE.
White Privilege
First off, I freely acknowledge that I am super privileged. I’m a white woman, and as such, I have never experienced racial discrimination in my life. I also acknowledge that as a white woman, I have had access to privilege in a system that was built for, if not my gender, at least my race (even if race is a completely made-up construct that was created to build that system that necessitates a group to be “lesser than” in order for the system to function as intended). Finally, I acknowledge that I’ve done racist things and held racist ideas. And that will be true in the future as well. I think we all have racial prejudice built into our assumptions if we grew up in white America. And there are SO MANY examples of this, so if you disagree, maybe do your research before you @ me.
BUT I am making every effort to do all I can to be anti-racist as well, despite those racist subconscious thoughts that still surface. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time, but I admit to needing the push that we all seem to be getting right now in order to deepen my understanding of the issues. I’ve been doing a whole lot of reading (get ready for my VERY delayed reading list for the first half of 2020!). But I’ve also been pushing back on people who need the push. (side note: below is an awesome post from @context.project on Instagram. They have lots more great content in addition to this.)
Speaking Out
My Facebook feed is a very interesting combination of liberal urban friends (mostly on the east coast) and rural, conservative friends from my family and my time working in agriculture (those are the two biggest camps, but there are of course lots of people who also don’t fit into either group). Let’s just say that I’ve seen a lot of racist and inappropriate posts in my time. And sometimes, for the sake of my own mental health, I keep scrolling.
But as much as I can stomach, I’ve been trying to be more proactive about challenging those racist beliefs. Not because I believe that I’m the person best equipped to do that, but because I think I have the responsibility to do so. For a few reasons: 1) As problematic as it is, some of these people are more likely to listen to me as a white woman than they are to listen to a black friend…if they have any. 2) I like to think that I’m decent with words. I also think I’m pretty good at keeping my cool in charged conversations (thanks, high school debate team!). Which means there’s a chance I can use those tools to get through to people. The jury is still out on whether or not that is actually happening, but I figure it can’t hurt.
Choosing your Method of Resistance
I’m not someone who will be going to protests right now. Partly because of COVID-19, but also because I just won’t. I’ve never been the protesting type. Maybe that will change, but it won’t be changing in the midst of a pandemic. But even if protesting isn’t your style, there are still so many ways, big and small, to contribute to fighting racial injustice. I’m working on doing this more and on picking modalities that I can sustain. Picking avenues of action that best utilize my talents and passions. I’ll try to report back on this again later in the year; feel free to keep me accountable.
Now, for the Personal
Can we talk about the laughable timing I have? I decided to quit my job, buy a house, and move to a new state THREE MONTHS before a global pandemic shut the world down.
Needless to say, that’s definitely impacted my new business. New clients have been slower to come on board than I had anticipated, and it’s harder to network and make local connections virtually. But at the same time, I’m grateful for a so many things.
Gratitude List
- I’m going through this pandemic in a state that has been proactive and practical about its pandemic mitigation approach. That’s not something I could have built into my handy dandy relocation spreadsheet, but I guess I just got lucky on this one.
- I prepared for this financially. Well, not this specifically. But months of my income not fully covering my expenses. Even though I haven’t had access to unemployment, which would have been a godsend, I have had other opportunities to be more financially flexible than I anticipated (extra cash from student loan forbearance being one example).
- I’m not trying to work a full-time, 40-hour/week job right now. Look, the first month of the pandemic was filled with a whole lot of existential dread. I sewed some masks, and I binge-watched a bunch of TV. I’m glad I had the space and the time to grapple with the psychological impact of this major world event. I can’t imagine trying to be productive in my previous job right now, even virtually.
- I have a house! Another thing I can’t imagine? Going through an extended quarantine in my 600-sq ft apartment. With 3 pets. I would have straight-up lost my mind. Instead, I have a house, a wonderful roommate, and space to breathe and think and get a slight change of scenery. One of my favorite things? Sitting in my hammock with SunCat. She’ll nap on my lap for hours. Unless a bird flies by…then she’s in full jungle mode.
- SunCat. Guys. We got her cancer diagnosis in OCTOBER and she’s still going strong. Now, I know that the chances of her surviving a year past her diagnosis are slim (at least that’s what the statistics say), but I honestly didn’t think she would even make it to Cleveland with me, so I am so so grateful to have this extra time with her. However much more time I get. And we celebrated her 16th birthday a few months ago! Complete with a knitted birthday hat. She hated it. It was great.
Ok, I’m going to leave things there for now. No guarantees that I’m going to return to any sort of regular posting schedule, but I will try to check in more frequently than once every 5 months. If anything, the challenge is distilling all of my thoughts into a coherent post. It feels like there’s been a LOT swirling around in my head lately. In case that wasn’t clear from this post alone…
As an apology for my long absence, here’s a photo of StarCat grooming SunCat. Thanks for sticking with me and the blog. Stay healthy out there.
Thanks for the update. I appreciate reading your thoughts!
YAY welcome back!!